SATYA: The Art of Being Real

Welcome! Let me tell you, this article, has had me all over the place. It came easy at first, words were just flowing. Then as I thought I had it just about finished, I felt as though I needed to go deeper. Once I started to share more, I was second guessing myself at sharing so much. Needless to say, this one particular yama has a lot of personal impact on me. Sounds simple, the art of being real. I’m here to tell you that it is anything but. Thank you to my daughter and my stylist for the support in hitting the publish button! Let me begin.

I recently posted on my socials, (I seem to do this a lot) to lead up to this. It was the quote, “Be yourself so the people looking for you can find you”. I had some questions in the post asking if you’ve ever noticed that when you’re around one person you act a certain way and then when around another or when you’re alone, if you act in a completely different manner? It makes me think of my trip to New Orleans with my mom and daughter. They had masks everywhere for purchase. Masks of different shapes, colors, and sizes. Feathers or no feathers. Glitter or no glitter. Put one on and you could be anyone. You were essentially hidden. In fact, during the beginning, masks were worn during Mardi Gras to escape from society and class restraints. Every day, we (not all) walk around wearing something similar. It just happens to lack the glitter and sequins.

We have expectations of ourselves regarding how we should act or who we should be based off of the idea of what others think. Ideas of what should be normal based off of generational norms. It’s not that the expectations are good or bad. They are just what is. What we’ve learned and implemented based off of our experiences. In the mix of trying to fulfill these expectations, we end up losing sight who we truly are. We create a wardrobe of masks based on the people we surround ourselves with, the situations we encounter, and the illusions that we fabricate.

The second yama of the Yoga Sutras is Satya, which means truthfulness. Truthfulness goes beyond not telling a lie. Yes, not telling a lie is part of it. Even the little white lies. But the meaning of Satya goes deeper than that. It goes as far as living in our truth. Removing the masks and being our unique, REAL self. Looking beyond the superficial self, noticing if we are living in truth and/or harming ourselves and others (Ahimsa), and to change course if needed. While learning about the Yamas, the word fear came up multiple times. Fear stops us from many things including being our unique and real self. As mentioned above, this yama hits me in a very personal spot. Let me explain why.

Those of you who know me, know that I am a very private person. You may be family and still know very little. There are only a select few who know of my struggle and the struggle of those I love. So, while I will share some, I will not share all, simply because I can, because it is complicated, and because it’s not all my story to tell.

For years, I wore masks. Subconsciously, I was changing myself for those that were around me. Doing and saying things that I thought made me the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, co-worker, etc. I didn’t even realize that I did it until I ended up having an identity crisis and no longer liked the person I was. Yup, it sounds ridiculous, but it is completely true. I hated myself. Situations that were out of my control would happen and I didn't know how to respond except to cry. Gosh I cried ALL THE TIME. It was like this other person was trying to break free but was too scared to do so. Things I wanted to say, I couldn't bring myself to say. Embarrassment, fear... I chalked it up to not being that perfect person I had tried to be my whole life. Riddled with depression, anxiety, and self-destructive behavior, I began hurting the people I loved. Feeling as though I was no longer the perfect, strong person that I tried to be for everyone around me, I began doing things that I would have criticized others for taking part in. To my husband and daughter, no matter what, I was perfect. I was invaluable. Time spent with me was never a sacrifice it was always a gift. I was a gift. To me, I was anything but. I was a failure. I was weak. I was a disappointment. I thought, how could anyone love me when I couldn’t even love myself? I’m confident on some level, you can relate. Our stories are completely different but one thing we have in common is fear. I feared what others would think of me, so I conformed to what I thought their expectations were. Let me share that again, I conformed to what I THOUGHT their expectations were. Maybe some was the truth but for the most part, I'm certain I created this perfect person in my head that I felt I needed to be. In order to make this happen, I put on a mask. Multiple masks. So many freaking masks. I hid my natural self. Because of that, my identity, became lost and forgotten. Before you continue reading, take a moment to stop and think about you. What do you fear, and do you wear a mask to fit in, to be likable, and/or to hide in plain sight?

So, now that you’ve taken a little bit of time to self-reflect, why do we let fear control us? Why do we let fear stop us from living our truth? Is it because we are afraid of disappointing others or afraid of losing them? Because we want to be liked and loved? Because we want to be the best at anything and everything? Is it because we just want to be perfect? Or does it have to do with societal norms? The list of possible reasons goes on. Here’s the thing, deep down, we all want to see the people we love happy. We want them to feel loved and valued. We want them to succeed and to live a healthy and fulfilling life. So why do we not want the same for ourselves? Why the masks? Why not showcase the REAL us? Fear creates illusions and illusions create chaos. We become insecure and vulnerable. We self-doubt and we hide. The combination of those, my friend, creates violence. And if you read my article on Ahimsa, the first yama, then you know that we should be living a life of love and compassion towards all things living including ourselves. Do no harm. Once we start being truthful to ourselves, we can begin our journey of truthfulness towards everyone else.

Living your truth is freeing but not easy. You are constantly aware of your actions. Asking yourself how things can be said and done differently to live in your truth while also causing no harm to yourself and others. Once your inner journey begins, you may have to decide on how much truth to share with someone. Just like me today, sharing some of my truth with you. Living your truth does not mean that you have to be an open book. You can still have your privacy. When someone asks you something and you’re not willing to share for whatever reason, you simply tell them that. It also goes for you as well. When you want to know more about someone or something, you need to be able to recognize when to stop asking for information. Now, what if in telling the truth or your truth, you caused someone harm? Or yourself harm? Have you been there, done that? I know I have.

Let me ask you this, has anyone ever told you to be real rather than being nice? It’s a concept that isn’t easy to live by and came up in my yoga teacher training. When I think of the difference between the two, my best friend, my husband, and my daughter are the first three people that come to mind. They are the epitome of real. Kind is not a word that I would use to describe them. Trustworthy is 100% top of the list. I know that whatever they say, it will be 100% their truth. No sugar coating added but expressed with love and compassion and with my best interest in mind. I’m not saying that they are not kind people. There are far better words to express their character than the word "kind". So how can you be real, live a life of truthfulness and still do no harm?

Chances are that you know someone who tells the truth about anything and everything but creates waves of negativity, guilt, and hurt along the way. Every time they are around, you wonder what they are going to say or do next that’s going to have you feeling like a pile of poo. Their words come rolling out without class or respect. I’m not going to lie, sometimes, it’s hard to tell the truth to someone without causing hurt. The good news is, there are ways to do it. Starting with Ahimsa. Do no harm. I want to share another story with you. Those who know me also know my laugh. For those of you who do not, it is a laugh that you will never forget. We could be in the same place together and you know I'm there. Not because you can see me but because you can hear me! Some would say it is contagious. That they can feel it. As people would complement on my laugh, I got to the point where I wondered if they really meant it. How does one get to that point? To question the validity of a compliment and to be embarrassed by it? I got to the point that I would talk badly about my laugh. Why wouldn't I like something that brought laughter or a smile to others. Well, I had instances where others shared their truth with me in a poor fashion. The turning point was when I worked in a professional setting. I was asked to tone it down so customers wouldn't hear. How can you tone down your laugh? How can you tone down your happiness? You hide it and then you eventually lose it. I'm certain there was truth in my laugh being too loud for a professional setting for those specific individuals. The problem wasn’t their truth, it was how they made me aware of it.

When you come from a place of love and compassion, you are wiser on your word choice. Your words come from the heart. The energy that you give, envelopes a person giving them complete trust in you. David McGrath said that "A willingness to admit our faults, and misgivings, frees us to raise our personal standard and move forward with greater integrity." When living in a world that is all about the self and our self-image, it is not easy to care how your words and actions will affect others. You want to get the job done or you want to tell someone how it should be based off of what you believe or think. You know it all and everyone else that doesn't think your way is dumb or is an idiot. It's harsh, I know. Luckily, not everyone is this way. There is hope. David McGrath (love this guy!) also said, “In this world of duality, absolute truth does not exist. Truth is not black or white. It is dynamic, constantly changing relative to context and circumstance. It is for this reason that the concept of truth and the practice of truthfulness invites greater reflection and attention.” In short, You and I can read or hear the same thing and interpret it differently. We could be in different places within our lives meaning that what I see as truthful may not be seen the same way as you. Yes, our truths CAN be completely different!! Being aware of this concept helps determine when it is appropriate to share your truth with someone as it may not always be. As long as you are coming from a place of integrity, love, and compassion then you are on your way to living in Satya. So, what about me? How does my story end?

It wasn’t until I found yoga that I began to embrace who I truly was. Yoga teacher training was more than learning how to teach yoga. It was a journey of the self, through the self, to the self. Which is also a beautiful quote from Bhagavad Gita. Some will say that I am a completely different person compared to a year ago and I couldn't agree more. I now take pride in removing the masks and letting my uniqueness soar. I have forgiven myself as my actions do not define me. They were something I did, not who I am. They were essential to create the strong woman that I am today. I learned so much; loss, heartbreak, true love and devotion, self-respect… so many things that I would just bore you to continue. I’m not saying that I don’t fall back into old habits because I do. But, at the end of the day, I remember that in order for me to live a fulfilling life of peace, I need to be courageous. I need to be me, for me. I need to live in my truth. In her book, The Yamas & Niyamas, Deborah Adele said, “If we don’t approach truth “with our knees knocking,” then we haven’t understood the profoundness of this guideline.” Living a path of truthfulness is not easy but is one that is fulfilling. When making the change to live in your truth, the people who love you will support you. They will be your biggest champion. You will end up being someone that they look up to and trust. I hope that if you feel as though you are not living in your truth, that you find a way to break free of the masks. You deserve the peace. 🫶

Things to ponder:

• In your own words, how would you define Satya?

• Do you find yourself changing the core of who you are when around others or in certain situations? If yes, ask yourself why, what is the worst that could happen if you were your natural self, and what’s the best that could happen?

• Thinking of the last two weeks to a month, put together a list of situations where you may have hurt someone by speaking your truth. Then write why you said or did whatever it was in that particular fashion along with how you could do it differently to speak your truth with integrity while ensuring the well-being of others.